So, at work, I basically just walk up and down streets. That's the most basic description. I work for the city, and I tag the GPS locations of specific things in the city, and then take pictures of them. By the end of the summer, I will have covered every single street in our city.
For eight hours a day, five days a week, I just walk. I don 't get to walk at walking speed though, cause I'm looking for things. I keep my eyes trained on the ground, I keep track of the addresses, and I keep my car within at least five blocks of me at all times. It has it's perks, like solitary, a tan, exercise, and solid hours, and it's drawbacks, like solitary, heatstroke, a sunburn, and I still have to work when it rains.
The one big thing I like is that I see a lot of animals. Because I'm keeping an eye out for a lot of things, I notice squirrels, cats, bunnies, a lot of birds, bugs, worms, nests, dogs, and anything else you ever see in a city. I also notice a lot of dead animals, because I spend most of my time watching the ground. Dead things make me nauseous, especially birds.
One day, early on, I was tagging a storm drain, and there was a dead bird in it. I had to take a picture of it. I really thought I was going to throw up. Later that day, I passed two bloody bird wings on the sidewalk. I'm not sure if it was a mean cat or a vicious kid. I've seen countless whole dead birds in lawns, and a bunch of dead squirrels on the street.
The one day, I had to step onto someone's lawn, and I noticed something, like a little pile of dead grass. I saw there were a few blue candy easter eggs around it, and then I clued it. It was a robin's nest and there were four, uncracked robin eggs still in it. I almost cried.
Then the other day, I saw four or five teeny tiny dead baby birds, right on the edge of the sidewalk under a tree. I actually had to tag something just on the other side of them, but I just skipped it. It upset me so much, I wanted to go back to the office early.
I've been thinking about this all, trying to figure out if I'm a wimp when it comes to things like that, or what. I do know that I tend to be on the sensitive side, especially in contrast to my husband, who excitedly described the death of pigeon he witnessed a few weeks ago. But is it silly to be upset like things like this?
I think perhaps I have a hard time dealing with death in general. I've never been close to anyone who passed away. My kitten once died, and I cried for a very long time, but she was only four weeks old.
But I also think I have a special something going on with the birds. They really fascinate me. I could just watch all the different birds fly all day long. I witnessed a crow and a hawk fighting earlier this week, and I was excited. I love the way they build nests, the way they fly, how they eat. I am especially fascinated by hawks, owls, eagles, doves (the usual favorites), and most of all, robins. I've always kind of connected with robins, what with sharing a name with them and all, but I also the love the briallant red of their chests, and the fantastic blue speckled shade of their eggs. Robin's egg blue is my favorite shade of blue.
So perhaps I felt extremely upset by the robin's nest, because I connect with them. Perhaps it is some mothering instinct buried within me that repulses at any unborn or newly born child of any creature facing the end of their life far too early. And maybe it's the child-centered heart I have, that believes all children should thrive. Even pigeons, which may be the ugliest baby birds ever.
No matter what it is, I have decided that it is not silly and I shouldn't kick myself for feeling sad when I notice those kinds of things. I should perhaps feel more sad for the adult birds and the squirrels, but maybe I'm too used to it. You don't see dead babies as often as dead adults.
Well, the point is... Oh shoot, I don't know that I had a real point. I guess just to confirm I am not the only person whose heart strings are pulled at the sight of such things.
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