The Desire to Change

I desire change.
Not on a daily basis. I very much like my life to be static and for my day to go pretty much the same way every day. I like familiarity.

But at the same time, I occasionally desire change. I call it my itch. It'll hang out in the back of my brain, nagging away at my subconscious until I start to talk about various things I want to change. Then it'll become a mental itch. If I don't do something drastic, I can't ignore it, I can't make it go away.

And then I do something drastic, and just like that, I'm satisfied and happy with my life the way it is again.

When I say I desire change, it'll start small. I start by browsing the hair dye aisles, and eying up women with funky-coloured hair. Then I'll start thinking about chopping my hair off. If it's grown out long and I'm not loving it, I get it cut really short. But if my hair is already short or I am loving the long hair, I'll think about piercings. This has obviously only happened so many times, but a couple of times a year I tell my husband I want my belly button pierced. He laughs and talks me down (thank God for him), and then, naturally, I start thinking about tattoos. I'm careful with this one, because I can't undo that. My mom always said "It's not illegal, it's not immoral, and it will grow back." and I try to use that as a motto for my "itch". So if I'm not 100% sure about a tattoo, my brain wanders elsewhere.

That's when I start thinking about painting the house (when I could) or I'll start browsing houses for sale. Sometimes I'll pick up a new hobby, but if it's not drastic enough, the itch is still there.

I always find something to satisfy that itch, and sometimes it's really not all that drastic. But whenever people ask why I dyed my hair or cut it all off, I usually shrug and say, "I was bored." They laugh, but I don't really understand why. I was bored, and that is why I cut my hair.

Perhaps it's not healthy to become so "bored with my life", but it's not usually my life that's boring. I love my job, my relationships, my spare time. I just get bored. My hubby says I don't like being stagnant. I need something to constantly be new. I'll admit that this desire to change has led me to move once, and has made temp jobs seem rather inviting. A few years ago, I worked several temp jobs in a row, and I loved how it kept me on my toes.

Typically, I really just keep it to my hair, like I did this time. It's not totally drastic, but I'm loving it.